It is not always easy for us to let offense against another, but sometimes it turns out that it is even more difficult to forgive yourself. Why do we become the most strict judges?
Life does not always develop as I would like. And we regret that we did not do otherwise, we imagine that we were able to change the situation, we cannot forgive ourselves. Why is this happening?
The fact is that what happened has not yet been lived inside. At the moment when the event occurred, we experienced strong experiences, but for some reason we could not catch them, distinguish shades.
It is possible to survive, we needed a “sober head”, and therefore we forbade ourselves to worry. Or considered the manifestation of feelings with something shameful, especially if others reminded that others are even worse now. As a result, instead of recognizing emotions, they pretended not to feel them.
Something terrible should not necessarily happen to make a feeling: we made a mistake that is difficult to accept. For example, we lament that we abandoned a new position or, conversely, unsuccessfully changed the place of work.
Others often advise you to treat what happened as a valuable experience, but this does not always bring the result. Why? Trying to convince ourselves with the help of logical arguments, we ignore the experiences again. Yes, for a while we feel calmer, but soon obsessive thoughts begin to pester again. It is difficult for us to accept what happened, and without it it is hardly possible to forgive ourselves.
The inability to forgive is often associated with responsibility for what happened, which we are assigning to ourselves. We endlessly lead the internal monologue, scolding ourselves for the choice made. Probably, in what is happening there really is a share of our responsibility, but do not overestimate your contribution, take too much.
Learning to accept what happened, we notice that it ceases to take away strength by releasing internal resources
Even if it seems that once you did not have enough, in fact you did everything that you could. At each point in time, we make a decision that seems to us the most correct, even if the next day the opinion changes.
To help yourself, do
such an exercise. Take a sheet of paper and describe the situation that is difficult for you to accept. What choice did you make? What helped then make this decision? Write what you felt at that moment that you feel now while you reflect on that situation.
Sometimes we demand too much from ourselves. It is difficult for us to accept that we are not able to fully satisfy our own requirements. Ask yourself: what are these requirements? Who defined them and when? What will happen if you stop matching them? Whose opinion will be especially important for you in this case? Perhaps you are afraid not to live up to someone else’s expectations? What seems to you the most irreparable?
No matter who is difficult for you to forgive – another person or yourself. Forgiveness is a path that takes time, effort, makes you survive again what I want to forget.But, learning to accept what happened, we notice that it ceases to take away strength, releasing internal resources.